My Death

MY DEATH.

I do not fear my death. Neither do I allow this great adventure to worry me. It is something for which I have already prepared myself in the days of my youth. For I have known since the time of my birth that my true inheritance in this world would be a death befitting whatever, and whoever, it was that I had become. My dream has always been to die a warriors death. My life ending by the swiftness of an arrow or a fatal blow from a war club. And yet, I must admit, a peaceful end would also be a good way to die. Surrounded by those I love within the comfort and warmth of my lodge, listening to the sounds of their grief, while the medicine men sing prayers and anoint my body to help my spirit to climb to that higher plain, that would also be a good way to die. But to have my life end, knowing that my exploits and deeds would be remembered by those I leave behind, is still the best end that I could wish for. That is why I do not fear my death. Instead I sometimes find myself hungering for the glory that it could bring to me.
And besides, I know in my heart that, the Great Spirit will allow me to join all those who have gone before. Oh how I would like to be able to once again nestle in the arms of my beloved mother. To become a child again and suckle at her breast. In my old age I have longed for the soft caresses and the whispered words of undying love that can only exist between a mother and her child. I have travelled the sacred paths and journeyed through the circle of life and all I want now is to be reborn into my mothers loving arms. I would also like to be able to talk with my father once again, man to man, like I did in my younger days before he and she took the journey to that other world. I feel nearer to them now than I have ever felt in my life. That is way I do not fear my death.

I want to join those friends and brothers who gave their lives willingly so that our people could live. The men who fell beneath the might of our enemies, as they laid down their lives to protect our villages, against their murderous onslaught. To be reunited with these hero’s of my past would lift my heart high into the sky, for such would be my joy. Then, in that other world, together we could protect the passing of our people from the dead spirits of our enemies who await to try and conquer us even in death. Though I know that this would mean that my life here upon my beloved lands would be no more, I would be content to stand guard for the rest of eternity in that world that now awaits my arrival, I take great comfort in the knowledge that I could still serve my people. That is why I do not fear my death.
I also hope that all my good deeds and charity of spirit in this life will be enough to allow me this wish, bestowed by the Great Spirit on those he deems worthy, which is to come back to this world from time to time in the guise of an eagle so that I might speak with my children’s children and their children’s children. So that even in death I might guide the living as they follow the scared paths of our people. My heart would be heavy if I were not allowed to visit with them. But I know in my heart that the Great Spirit will grant me this wish. That is why I do not fear my death.
I know my loved ones will come together and weep at my passing. They will tear their garments into rags and cut their hair as a mark of respect. They will give away all my possessions except for those that I take with me. My wife will also sacrifice a finger as a sign of her grief. My sons will then build a scaffold on which my body will be laid. Then, with my body wrapped within the comforting folds of a buffalo robe, they will carry me to my final resting place upon this earth.

   They will also place there with me both my bow and arrows and my shield so that I will not have to venture forth unarmed. I will then be allowed to lay there within our sacred burial grounds until my bones turn to dust and I am joined with the earth, my Mother, so that I may be taken into her womb where I will be born again. And through all of this I am comforted by the knowledge that my beloved sons will take care of their mother until she, or they, rises up through the sky and joins me in the Place of Souls where we will all be reunited once again within the scared hoop of the people. That is why I do not fear my death.
   To know that in my passing I will become the dust of the earth on which my people will forever walk, and live out their lives, fills my heart with untold joy. For I have, in my own life, often thought about the people of the past who’s spirits still live beneath my feet, awaiting their rebirth. That is why I have always felt a great love for my country. I have never wanted to leave it for another. The earth that I have been blessed to have been born upon has throughout this time, it often appeared to me, to be both alive and to breath, like the breath of a child in a deep sleep, reminding me that it is the spirit of my people that makes it appear thus. Now for me to become a living part of my own country makes my heart soar high in the sky. That is why I do not fear my death.
   And I know that for all those that remain behind the land will become ever more closer to their own hearts because of my passing. They will not allow the spirits of all those who have gone before to be forgotten or their dust to be scattered to the four corners and destroyed. The place in which we all lay will be a sacred place now and forever more.

   The winds that carry our dust all over these lands will also carry the prayers of the living, that will continue to remind us, that we will always be as one, living and dead, now and forever connected through the passage of time by the undying belief that we are all true Human Beings. That is why I do not fear my death.
   And for myself?
   During my life time I have tried not to take anyone or anything for granted. I have tried to be generous in both my thoughts and deeds. Each new sunrise I have looked upon as being my first and each sunset as being my last. And the spaces in between I have lived life to the full. I have not wasted one precious moment, or one spoken word, without telling those that I have loved just how I have felt. I have tried to teach my son’s and daughter’s the right way to become true Human Beings. And I am pleased to leave this world in the knowledge that they, the future, are as good and as strong as I, the past. I have loved, with a full and open heart, all those that I have called friend. To my wife I have tried to be a good husband and to my son’s and daughters a good father. I have always wanted to show them all the love that I possess, and if there were times that any of them doubted my love for them, then the fault of this was entirely mine. My family have always been the reason for my living. Now that my son’s are men and my daughters are mothers I find it easier in my heart to at last say ‘goodbye.’ That is why I do not fear my death.
   And my grandchildren, what of they? I have grown younger in heart from the sounds of their laughter washing over me. They have brought me great happiness in old age. My love for them is wider than the open spaces across these lands. I have seen the love in their heart for me. I have healed the scratches on their arms and legs and washed away the blood from their falls. I have tasted the salt of their tears when kissing their pain away.

I have passed onto them the old ways of their grandfather and know in my heart that they will keep them close to their hearts forever. Their lives have enriched me and have given me great hope for the future of my people. That is why I do not fear my death.

THE END